what am I doing here?!!

Yeah, good question. What am I thinking anyway? Do I really want this visual record of the depths of chaos we find ourselves living in? It is at least slightly conceivable that someone could stumble across it. Hopefully, no one I know...but do I even want complete strangers seeing the state of affairs around here?

See, the thing is, I really want to get a bit of order back into this home. If someone who didn't know me years ago walked into this house today, they would never ever believe that I used to be organized. That I used to keep a clean house. That I didn't use to forget things on a regular basis. But that was me years ago.

I could lay out the easy reasons for the "decline"...motherhood, homeschooling, etc. But those are really only the surface reasons. The real reason is inside me. And it's perfectionism and obsessiveness. Huh?!! Perfectionism and obsessiveness do not seem to equate with household chaos, do they? But the fact is that I simply latched those less than desirable traits of mine full-bore onto homeschooling and motherhood. No, I'm sure as hell not the perfect mother! Nor the perfect homeschooling teacher. But that's what I obsess over. Some weeks I spend as much as eighty hours on homeschooling plans, etc. So in this ridiculous quest for unattainable perfection in one area, EVERYTHING else has fallen apart. And it just keeps getting worse.

Balance. Balance. Balance. Balance. Balance. What so many strive for. And what some manage to attain. I want to be one of those attainers.

I have no set plan as of yet. I have lots of little ideas...and I'm guessing some will work better than others. But this is to be the record of my journey. The trials and errors. And hopefully, overall, it will be a journey of progress.

But I guess I need to know where it is I hope to go. If I have no set goals, how will I know if I'm attaining them? Over the next few days, I hope to get those down in writing. In the sidebar there. My long-term goals--mostly involving moving, getting off the grid, and living as close to self-sustaining as we can--are likely years in the making. My mid-term goals--mostly getting this house in order, finding a way to balance homeschooling with the rest of life, and continuing to make changes towards greener living--are the focus of the coming year. And my short-term goals--well, those are the things that need done now, as well as the steps to be taken towards those future goals.

First goal: Make lists of goals.